Tuesday 11 September 2012

Retronomicon #4


Super Exciting Sleepy Morning Retro Kid Cartoon Programming Show!!


Welcome to a rough approximation of a typical Saturday morning kids programming schedule in the Eighties, thanks to the magic of youtube. Enjoy.


The Gummi Bears was the first in a wave of excellent Disney cartoons that led a resurgence for television animation in the eighties.


Advert Break


Galaxy High School was created by Chris Columbus, best known at the time for writing Gremlins and The Goonies.


Advert Break


Galaxy High School part 2


Advert Break


Galaxy High School part 3


Advert Break


Holy union strike Batman! Before Tim Burton's Batman hit cinemas, the 1966 TV show started a fresh wave of Batmania when it was broadcast by TV-AM as part of a skeleton service due to a strike by technical staff. This proved to be more popular than the regular program and they continued to show episodes after normal service had resumed.


Tuesday 4 September 2012

Deep Cult #4

From the director of Battle Royale

Message From Space (1978) - dir. Kinji Fukasuka

Growing up in the early-80s, pop culture was awash with rip-offs and cash-ins on Star Wars. In the absence of the real thing, kids were exposed to an endless parade of imperiled princesses, plucky heros, comedic robots and so on. The cumulative effect, at such a young age, is that they all kind of bled into one giant space opera. A while ago I resolved to pick apart the different threads that make up this sci-fi epic of my mind.

Some of the threads were fairly easy to uncover such as Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century because I was able to distinguish them at the time. Others I was less sure of. Did I ever see Battle Beyond the Stars? After (re)watching it, apparently I did. After watching Message from Space, I'm still not sure if I ever watched it at the time. Seeing I was a huge fan of Monkey and The Water Margin, I think I would have flipped out over it.



The most expensive movie made in Japan at the time, the film is an incoherent mess in the story department mixing story tropes familiar from samurai movies with those found in manga and with many diversions along the way. The set and costume design is fantastic, especially the look of the evil Gavanas. The special effects are less impressive but the space craft design is rather awesome. There is no denying the lo-fi aesthetic looks incredibly cheap compared to the work achieved by ILM but, as with the Godzilla movies, there is a certain charm to them nonetheless.

The metal faced Big Bad
Message from Space is fascinating because it delivers a Star Wars space opera filtered through a Japanese perspective, which really makes it a mirror image of the Lucas film who, lets not forget, was 'inspired' by the films of Akira Kurosawa. It is also possible that Lucas may have been 'inspired' by this film when planning the finale to Return of the Jedi...


Message from Space is currently unavailable on R2 DVD

Tuesday 28 August 2012

1001 Movies I Did See Before I Died #41-#50

All the films I've seen from the age of 15
41) The Flintstones
Popeye meets Jurassic Park

42) True Lies
La Totale! meets The Terminator

43) Pulp Fiction
A Bout De Souffle meets True Romance

44) Demolition Man
Rambo meets Buck Rogers

45) Airheads
Spinal Tap meets California Man

46) So I Married An Axe Murderer
Wayne's World meets A Shadow Of A Doubt

47) Addams Family Values
Addams Family meets Kind Hearts and Coronets

48) Dead Calm
The Deep meets L'Enfer

49) Hard Target
The Most Dangerous Game meets Kickboxer

50) Outbreak
The Andromeda Strain meets Earthquake

Tuesday 7 August 2012

The Yoshi Awards #2

Film Culture Highlights For The Month of July

Best Fantasy Film
Jack The Giant Killer
In preparation for the new Jack the Giant Killer movie from Bryan Singer next year, I watched the original which is a weird, fever dream of a kid's movie. Featuring fantastic old school effects that add to the charm, this is well worth checking out.


Best Sci-Fi Film
The Space Children
A real b-movie curio with a distinct Village of the Damned vibe that was brought to my attention by a recent issue of Sight and Sound magazine.


The WTF? Award
Sir Henry at Rawlinson End
From the mind of Vivian Stanshall of the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, a master-class in British comic eccentricity with beautiful sepia-toned photography.


Best Animated Film
A Cat In Paris
Absolutely charming Academy Award nominated animation.


Best Documentary
Tabloid
The bizarre true story of Joyce McKinney from director Errol Morris



The Why Didn't I See This Sooner Award
The Battle of Algiers
Despite having the DVD for six years, I only just got around to watching this masterpiece.



The In-Kermode-We-Trust Award
The Ninth Configuration
Thanks to the championing of this film by Mark Kermode I finally got round to seeing this gem of a movie. The second film in William Peter Blatty's faith trilogy (following The Exorcist and succeeded by Legion) is by turns very funny and deeply moving.



Best Cinema Visit
The Dark Knight Rises
It was either this or The Amazing Spider-Man, no competition.



Worst Film
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Other contenders included Exorcist 2: The Heretic and Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, which gives you an indication of how awful I think this film is.




Retronomicon #3


More often than not, when browsing through videos on YouTube, my thoughts turn to old programs from my childhood. The more obvious ones such as Transformers and Masters of the Universe are largely ignored because of their ubiquity and the challenge becomes dredging up half-forgotten shows from my mind.

One such show is Once Upon a Time...Life, a French production that aims to tell the story of the human body to children. Broadcast on Channel 4, my memories are that this was one of the earliest cartoons in their Sunday animation block and I would normally catch it while waiting for something along the lines of Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors. I only remembered the show as that one that was a bit like the Numbskulls with a bearded dude in it, but the joys of the internet meant it didn't take long to uncover a title and episodes on YouTube.


Unlike certain shows from my childhood, which will remain nameless, Once Upon A Time...Life stands up as a superb cartoon that is remarkably enjoyable to watch. In fact I probably enjoy it more as an adult than as a rather impatient child jacked up on sugary cereal.


Once Upon A Time...Life was the third series in the Once Upon A Time series, although I only vaguely remember the first two series, Man and Space. The series has continued beyond my childhood to include The Americas, The Discoverers, The Explorers and Planet Earth.


I don't think the Once Upon A Time series is currently broadcast in the UK, and it certainly isn't available on DVD, which is a crying shame as it is something that would entertain and educate a new generation of children.

Tuesday 24 July 2012

1001 Movies I Did See Before I Died #31-#40

All the films I've seen since from the age of 15
31) The Firm: 65%
Tom runs.

32) Speed: 70%
Keanu runs. To catch a bus.

33) Tommy: 90%
One of the best British movies ever.

34) The Crow: 80%
Superb comic adaptation.

35) Dave: 68%
Fun high-concept comedy.

36) Repo Man: 84%
Cool cult classic

37) Hocus Pocus: 40%
Not my thing.

38) Red Rock West: 72%
Superb neo-noir from the director of The Last Seduction

39) Benny and Joon: 61%
Depp does kooky. Again.

40) Rising Son: 35%
Dodgy Michael Crichton adaptation.

Monday 23 July 2012

Funny Books #1

Der ner ner ner ner ner ner Batman!

Where now for Bat-Man on film?


Now that Christopher Nolan has completed his Batman trilogy with The Dark Knight Rises, speculation will now inevitably begin on how Warner Bros. are going to follow it up. Will they continue with films set in Nolan's universe? Will they reboot the series like Sony has done with The Amazing Spider-Man? Will they begin a similar to project to that of Marvel Studios? Are we in for a few years of rumours akin to Robin Williams as Riddler, Howard Stern as Scarecrow and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin? Let me add my five cents to each of these questions.

Oh, and before I forget, SPOILERS.

Fifty Shades of Grey fever hits Gotham

Will they continue with films set in Nolan's universe?
The temptation is certainly there purely from the box office numbers. If it ain't broke, why fix it? The ending to The Dark Knight Rises gives them some room for maneuver in this regard. Blake has inherited the Batcave and quit the police force, allowing him to continue the Batman's work. His name is revealed as Robin. Bruce Wayne isn't dead. From these plot points Warner Bros. could continue to make further films in this universe, but should they?
For me the ending to The Dark Knight Rise is the spiritual successor to the spinning top at the end of Inception. The spinning top is a question mark, a note of ambiguity at the end to get the audience talking. The scenes at the end of The Dark Knight Rises fulfill the same function. We know that the auto-pilot was fixed on the Bat but we don't know if the Batman was able to use it. Alfred sees Bruce Wayne at the end but we have already had one character earlier in the film seeing a dead person at a moment of heightened emotion and the same thing could be happening here. I would rather that we left this ambiguity there instead of providing definitive answers.
Now, you could make a Batman story without Bruce Wayne. The recent comic series Batman and Robin did that by having Dick Grayson taking over the Batman role with Damian Wayne, the son of Bruce Wayne and Talia Al Ghul, as Robin. And it was an excellent series, with an interesting dynamic at it's heart. A John Blake Batman movie could work and there are still some major villains that, with some tweaking, could exist within Nolan's universe but there is another reason for hoping they don't take this route.
The brilliance of the Nolan Batman movies was the approach that they took, in essence to imagine what it would be like if these events happened in the real world. The comics, however, aren't set in the real world, they are set in the DC Universe, and its time for the DCU to, ahem, rise.

Two panels - all you need to know about the origins

Will they reboot the series like Sony has done with The Amazing Spiderman?
If they decide not to continue with Nolan's iteration of Batman then some form of reboot will be necessary but, dear God, please don't cover the origin story again. All the reviews for The Amazing Spider-Man began with some sort of comment about how unnecessary it was to cover the same ground only ten years after the first Spiderman film. This would go double for Batman, as we have had the origin story twice now. Everybody is familiar with the circumstances surrounding the origin of Batman that any new film can confidently drop its audience into the action without explaining how it all began. One origin story that I would like to see them attempt, however, is that of Robin.
Robin has been a problem for many people attempting a Batman movie. The two Tim Burton films both played with adding Robin to the story in early drafts only to drop him during pre-production. The Schumacher films created a hip, teenage Robin that kinda worked in that he wasn't the worse thing in either film but still sucked. Nolan only introduces him as an easter egg.
Introduced in Detective Comics #38, a mere 11 issues after Batman's first appearance, Robin was introduced to give kids somebody they could identify with. While some concerns where raised about putting a young child in jeopardy, the sales figures nearly doubled and the Batman comics moved away from the darkness towards the light. For the next thirty odd years, until Denny O'Neil's celebrated run in the seventies, Robin was there by Batman's side becoming closely related to the camp, sci-fi inflected tales of the fifties and sixties, not to forget his most famous iteration from the Batman TV series.
Batman is too caught up in his sartorial choices to notice his ward may be slightly colour blind.
In the eighties, with Dick Grayson established as the hero Nightwing, DC editorial staff realised that it helped to have somebody for Batman to talk to and introduced Robin #2, Jason Todd. An edgier Robin than Grayson, he wasn't that successful with comic readers who, given the choice of killing him off, voted to have his brains bashed in by the Joker (in classic comic tradition, and to paraphrase Monty Python, he got better). Robin #3 swiftly followed. Despite all the difficulties, he is an essential part of the Batman universe.
It terms of adapting him into film there is one comic book that could provide help to any adaptors. Nolan took a lot of inspiration from The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale and it's sequel Dark Victory is an excellent origin story for Robin. The one thing that Warner Bros. may be quite hesitant about is Robin's age, and the temptation would be to make him older (although I would like to point out Kick Ass had a fantastic pseudo-Robin in Hit-Girl), yet Dark Victory shows how the concept of Robin as a young boy can work effectively.

Carefully negotiated contracts result in a draw
Will they begin a similar project to that of Marvel Studios?
Again, the temptation is certainly there. The Marvel Studio project of bringing the Marvel Universe to the big screen has been a phenomenal success. DC and Warner Bros. must be watching with a degree of envy, so what will they do?
In 2009 it was announced that DC Comics would become a subsidary of DC Entertainment, a newly created company 'charged with strategically integrating its content across Warner Bros. Entertainment and Time Warner'. This shows a renewed focus from Warner Bros. on exploiting the DC characters across all platforms but does not mean that a similar approach to Marvel Studios is being attempted. In fact, this has been largely ruled out by DC Entertainment President Diane Nelson. In 2007, George Miller signed on to direct a Justice League film with Armie Hammer cast as Batman, indicating that Warner Bros. was happy to have different versions of their DC characters played by different actors at the same time. Following the collapse of that version it was recently announced that a new Justice League movie is being attempted. Perhaps they will they attempt a reverse Avengers and spin-off solo adventures from a Justice League movie?
An approach that I would like to see, considering my desire to see more of the DC Universe on screen, would be for a new Batman film to take inspiration from The Brave and the Bold comic series and, at least, feature cameos from other DC superheroes.

Guy Pierce as The Riddler?

Are we in for a few years of rumours akin to Robin Williams as Riddler, Howard Stern as Scarecrow and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin?
Of course we are. This is the fun time when we can speculate wildly and dream our fanboy dreams. The Robin Williams rumour came out soon after the first Batman movie and, if I'm remembering correctly, the role was once offered to Williams. The Howard Stern rumour started before Batman and Robin came out and around the time Private Parts was released. The Phillip Seymour Hoffman rumour was after The Dark Knight. I think we can expect a lot of the speculation now to centre around The Riddler and The Penguin, probably the most famous of the villains not featured in the Nolan films.
The most interesting speculation, for me, is the question of who takes the reigns of the Batman franchise from now on. An upcoming director would be a natural choice considering the success of Christopher Nolan, so may I suggest Duncan Jones or perhaps Rian Johnson? Nicolas Winding Refn is surely due a big Hollywood project. Maybe an established director like David Fincher, Darren Aronofsky (who worked on an adaptation of Batman: Year One before Nolan) or Paul Greengrass? It is all very exciting. The campaign to get Bryan Cranston to play Jim Gordon starts now.

Don't touch the lightning!

Where now for Bat-Man on film?
Going back to my first question, I am able to answer this definitively. The next time we see Batman will be in the DC Universe Animated Original Movies adaptation of Frank Miller's seminal The Dark Knight Returns.

That ain't Cyclops
The Dark Knight Returns is, along with Watchmen and Maus, the comic that kick-started the graphic novel revolution and an inspiration on both Burton's Batman and The Dark Knight Rises. If you haven't read it, and are a fan of Batman, you are in for a real treat.
















Tuesday 17 July 2012

Back Issue #2


Magazine: Neon
Issue: No 1 Dec 1996/Jan 1997


Initial Observations
Neon was my favourite movie magazine during its brief existence. It was to Empire magazine what Select magazine was to Q, targeted at a younger, hipper audience. Neon was funny, irreverant and looked at a much broader range of film culture than its sister publication. Plus it had the greatest movie column ever in the form of Graham Linehan's Filmgoer's Companion.
This is issue number one and the first thing that must jump out to contemporary eyes is the cover feature, 'How Hollywood ate Robert Downey Jnr alive', this being written when he was talented but self-destructive and not one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

What's Inside?
Almost too much cool stuff to mention. Regular features included 'it's not what you think' where film-makers picked ten favourite, usually bizarre and random, things. For example, in this issue we have the Coen brothers picking their ten favourite underwear movies. '100 reasons why' would take the piss out of list-making with usually hilarious results. 'Flashback' would look at the (usually chaotic) production of a film from yesteryear.  Plus you would have the usual news, reviews, features etc that you would expect in a movie magazine but with a Neon twist. And the middle pages would have a gallery of movie-related images you could take out and put on your wall.
Features in this issue include: the now legendary making of The Island of Dr Moreau; a look at WW2 movies; the Downey Jnr article; a Jack Nicholson profile by those who know him; a profile on Ian Hart and a look at the films of Tony Scott.

Old News
David Cronenberg's crash may finally be getting a release in the UK.
Robert De Niro trys to hire out the Acropolis in Greece for himself and some pals.
The question of whether Sleepers is based on truth or fiction is discussed ahead of the film's release.
It Happened Here is finally screened uncut in the British isles.
Kevin McClory is attempting to remake Thunderball again.
George Lucas preparing to film the first of the Star Wars prequels.
American Psycho may finally be adapted for the screen.

Commercial Break
'Give me 5 - Britain's new free tv channel is coming in the Spring. In addition to drama, comedy, news, chat and sport - 5 will broadcast more movies than any other terrestrial channel' - shame the majority of films they seemed to screen were DTV fodder.
An advert for a VodaZap! pager features an amateur photo of a dog and the promise that 'you can leave Boot a message on his owners VodaZap! pager'. I really don't understand what they are getting at with this ad.
'The Greatest Action Trilogy Of All Time', 'For The First Time This Christmas...And The Last', 'Buy Them Now While You Can' - The Die Hard trilogy and the attempt to create demand.

Whoops!
'Due for release in 1999, Episode One: Balance of the Force, focuses on the do-gooder Jedi Knights, who are being hunted down and rubbed out by the Empire as it gets its first toe-hold on the ladder of Galactic tyranny'. How much cooler does that sound?
"We're not making any more movies about making movies". Louis Pepe, director of The Hamster Factor, next made Lost in La Mancha about the making of Don Quixote, so I suppose that he is technically correct in that he made a movie about not making a movie.

Spooky!
Back to Louis Pepe from the article on The Hamster Factor: "We wished for disaster, sure. But we were making a film about Terry Gilliam. We knew something would go wrong". They certainly got their wish with Lost in La Mancha.

(Anti)Promoballs
The feature on Tony Scott is ostensibly to promote the release of The Fan, his film with Robert De Niro. Its somewhat refreshing then to hear him deride his own film: "I knew that I hadn't made it work".

Re-review
The main review is for Neil Jordan's Michael Collins written by none other than Graham Linehan. Elsewhere we have positive reviews for Beautiful Girls and The Long Kiss Goodnight, so-so reviews for The Fan and I Shot Andy Warhol and negative reviews for Chain Reaction and The Crow: City of Angels.
The video reviews remind me that I still haven't seen Nadja, that Heavy sucked ass and Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead might be worth a re-watch.

And finally...
Graham Linehan's Filmgoer's Companion closes out the issue with an imagined pitch for Mission:Impossible.

While doing a bit of research online I came across this website dedicated to Neon magazine which contains scans of the magazine. Well worth a look if you get the chance.













Deep Cult #3


Charly (1968) - dir. Ralph Nelson


Flowers for Algernon is a classic of science-fiction literature. Written originally as a short story by Daniel Keyes, he subsequently expanded it into a novel. The story concerns Charlie Gordon, a man with an IQ of 68, who volunteers for a medical experiment designed to increase intelligence. The experiment has already proved successful on the laboratory mouse, Algernon. The experiment works for Charlie too, who continues the work already done by the scientists, but then he discovers a flaw in the experiment and notices that Algernon is starting to behave erratically...
The novel is a heartbreaking work that I read in one sitting, literally unable to put it down. Presented as a series of personal reports from Charlie, the style of the writing changing as his intelligence changes, a brilliantly effective conceit.
Flowers for Algernon has been adapted in various media, the most famous being the film Charly for which Cliff Robertson won the Best Actor Academy Award. This is a real cult curio, very much of its time, but effective in getting across the themes of the book. The only real issue that I had with the film was the hilarious montage when Charlie rebels in quite possibly the most sixties, flower-power way imaginable. A sequence that sticks out like a sore thumb in an otherwise engrossing film.


Charly is currently unavailable on Region 2 DVD but can be found on YouTube.




1001 Films I Did See Before I Died #21 - #30

All the films I've seen from the age of 15
21. Arachnaphobia ***
My five year old brother screamed his head off watching this movie and he isn't afraid of spiders.

22. Super Mario Bros. *
The day-glo, primary-coloured world of Super Mario becomes a cross between Blade Runner and Gotham City. WTF?

23. Natural Born Killers *****
Oliver Stone's State of the Union address circa 1994.

24. Mad Max *****
Not quite Hollywood indeed.

25. Dumb and Dumber ****
One of three times I have actually fallen off my cinema seat laughing.

26. Drop Dead Fred **
Good concept, so-so execution.

27. Sleepless in Seattle *
A movie that actually points out to you while you are watching that you could be enjoying a much better film.

28. The Man Without A Face ***
The Man Scarred On One Side Of His Face, while more accurate, doesn't have quite the same ring.


29. What's Love Got To Do With It ***
Tina Turner: The Ike Years

30. Dennis *
Why did John Hughes remake the same film over and over again in the Nineties?



Friday 13 July 2012

Listomania #2

The Five Worst Summer Movie Seasons of the Last Twenty Years




1) 1994 
If you look at the top grossing films in the US for 1994, you would be forgiven for thinking that this was a rather above average summer blockbuster season. You have Speed, The Lion King, True Lies, The Mask and, ugh, Forrest Gump released during the summer. However, this is a time before day and date releases with the US, and the UK summer season was a very different picture. This is the summer of The Flintstones and Police Academy: Mission to Moscow. And bloody Wet Wet Wet.
Nowadays the UK summer season closely matches that of the US, so we start in April and end in August. In 1994, we start in July with the release of Beverly Hills Cop 3 and end in August with the release of The Mask. So what did we have for those missing months?
Now, I've struggled to find a reliable website for UK box office figures earlier than 2000 so I'm working here from my memory and a rather dubious list from Wikipedia but I've managed to piece together this picture. We start in May with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, a leftover from the US spring season. We then have the big movie of the summer in the UK, Four Weddings and a Funeral, which is also a leftover from the spring. Now Wikipedia doesn't list Four Weddings as a number one movie, which is one of the reasons I doubt its accuracy, so apparently the big movies leading up to July are; Naked Gun 33 1/3; A Business Affair (?); Dangerous Game; The Air Up There; Police Academy: Mission to Moscow and Shopping. Not a single one of those could be considered a summer movie as we understand it.
Anyway, the schools break up and we all go see Beverly Hills Cop 3 until Maverick turns up for a week but, then finally, The Flintstones! From Steven Spielrock! And because I'm a Scot and we return to school in the third week of August, thats it. True Lies is released in that final weekend, The Mask the week after. Speed is released on the 30th September, The Lion King and Forrest Bloody Gump on the 7th October.
1994 feels like a particularly bad summer season largely because the big summer movies were held over until after the summer and the ones that were released close to their US dates were largely rubbish or average. There was one gem of a movie released in July that wouldn't look out of place in todays summer market though. A dark comic book adaptation called The Crow.

Highpoint: The Crow
Lowpoint: Police Academy: Mission to Moscow




2) 1998
Things steadily improved over the next couple of years. We only had to wait a few weeks for the blockbusters now, and the CGI revolution meant that it was actually worth making the trip to the cinema to see them on the big screen. 1996 and 1997 had been bumper years, so expectations were high for 1998. The season kicked off in May with the average Deep Impact, we then had The Wedding Singer (a leftover) and the complete misfire Six Days and Seven Nights. Then finally came the most anticipated movie of 1998, the one that had, unusually for the time, advertised itself a year earlier with the tag-line 'Size Does Matter' - the awful Godzilla. We then had Lost in Space, followed by Armageddon with The X Files sneaking in at the end of August.
Like 1994 however, this doesn't tell the whole story, as there were a few summer movies in the US that didn't reach our shores until the summer was over and would have greatly enhanced the reputation of this season. Saving Private Ryan, The Truman Show and There's Something About Mary where all held back. Even the pretty poor Lethal Weapon 4 didn't come out until September despite it being a perfect summer movie.
My own movie highlight of the summer came one baking hot day in Edinburgh when I finally got to see The Exorcist on the big screen, re-released in Scotland in the summer while the rest of the UK had to wait until Halloween.
UPDATED: I forgot to mention that other big summer release, The Avengers, which says it all really.

Highpoint: Um, Armageddon?
Lowpoint: Godzilla


3) 2000
By 2000 we were getting pretty much the same summer season as the United States, its just that the films weren't anything to get excited about. Gladiator kicks off the summer in grand style, and while I enjoyed it immensely at the time, it hasn't really stood up on repeated viewings. The rest of the summer was one long wait for the one film I was actually excited about seeing: X-Men. So I waited. The awful Mission: Impossible 2 walked by through a flock of doves, flicking its Timotei hair. The Perfect Storm sailed by for a couple of hours until that impressive wave from the trailer washed it from memory. Gone in Sixty Seconds went by in what felt like 30 seconds. The Patriot was just shit. I actually went to see Titan AE because of the trailer that was attached to The Phantom Menace, and I only just remembered that I did.
When X-Men finally arrived it was obvious that this was something different. The potential that X-Men displayed was obvious - the superheroes had arrived.

Highpoint: X-Men
Lowpoint: Mission: Impossible 2




4) 2001
Part of the fun of the summer movie season is anticipation. Its about getting excited about forthcoming movies, letting yourself be teased by the studios until the day you find out whether they were being sincere or a sack of shit. There was almost nothing to get excited about in 2001. At a push, I was incredibly curious to see Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes, because he hadn't really put a foot wrong up to this point. Otherwise, there was nothing I was excited to see but they still somehow managed to massively disappoint.
The season kicks off with The Mummy Returns and its awful, incomplete CGI effects. This is followed by Pearl Harbour which my girlfriend still hasn't forgiven me for taking her to. Evolution tries to do comedy/sci-fi but satisfies as neither. Shrek is probably the one film that didn't disappoint but that is because it was saving its kick in the balls for further down the line. Tomb Raider was completely forgettable, the only thing I remember is that it had Geordie from Our Friends in the North in it (better known these days as Daniel Craig). Jurassic Park 3 was better than The Lost World but I was never enamoured of that franchise anyway. And finally, the one hope for the summer, the bizarro Planet of the Apes which satisfies neither as a Tim Burton film or as a reboot of the simian franchise.

Highpoint: Shrek
Lowpoint: Pearl Harbour


5) 2006
2006 is another year where the quality of all the major offerings fell way short of the land marked 'quality'. Mission: Impossible 3 was another entry in that interminable franchise. X Men: The Last Stand managed to match the quality levels of Batman & Robin. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest emphasised the weaknesses of the first film and negated its strengths. Superman Returns made the bizarre choice of trying to be an alternative Superman 3 (the single best thing about the movie was the opening credits sequence). My brain kept struggling to find the conceptual gear required to watch Cars comfortably. I haven't seen The Da Vinci Code and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, as I have begun to exert a degree of quality control in what I watch (my version of growing up).

Highpoint: Superman Returns 
Lowpoint: X-Men The Last Stand







Tuesday 10 July 2012

1001 Films I Did See Before I Died #11-#20

Every film I have seen from the age of fifteen
11. Serial Mom: 9/10
John Waters can do no wrong in my eyes.

12. True Romance: 8/10
An excellent Tarantino script becomes a very good Tony Scott movie.

13. Cool Runnings: 6/10
Disneyfied telling of the Jamaican bobsled team at the 1988 Winter Olympics.

14. Monty Python and the Holy Grail: 10/10
"Ni" etc

15. Sliver: 1/10
Utter shite.

16. Innocent Blood: 4/10
AKA A French Vampire in America.

17. Made in America: 3/10
Sperm banks will never cease to be a source of amusement for Hollywood executives.

18. The Fugitive: 6/10
Academy Award nominee for Best Picture

19. John Carpenter's The Thing: 10/10
Not to be confused with John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars etc

20. When Harry Met Sally: 6/10
Responsible for hundreds of mediocre rom-coms.


Deep Cult #2


The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (1953) dir. Roy Rowland


We are now very used to seeing adaptations of the works of Dr Seuss, but the only feature film that he wrote while he was alive was the beguiling 5,000 Fingers of Dr T. It is currently unavailable on Region 2 DVD and, every time we get an adaptation of one of his works, I pray it will get a long overdue release so a new generation can discover this wonderful film. With the forthcoming release of The Lorax, my hopes have once again been dashed, although if you subscribe to the Sky Movies packages it does occasionally screen on one of those channels. Seek it out if you get a chance.

I would like to take this opportunity to direct your attention to a few other bits and bobs of Dr Seuss related media. Firstly, there is this fantastic book of war cartoons that Dr Seuss produced before and during WW2.




He was also a writer for a series of instructional cartoon shorts produced for the American military featuring the character Private Snafu.


And finally, this amazing adaptation of HP Lovecraft's The Call of Cthulhu done in the style of Dr Seuss.




Retronomicon #2


I got quite excited earlier this week when I found out about this forthcoming book from the guys behind the TV Cream Toys book. I love the nostalgic hit of trawling the web for images of old food packaging, especially sweets and cereals. I get distracted by movies that feature old style food packaging. When Gary Oldman started eating a pack of Trebor mints in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, I let out a squeal of delight. I cannot wait for this book, out 27th September 2012, available from amazon here.

Here are a few I'd quite like to see featured.








Wednesday 4 July 2012

1001 Films I Did See Before I Died #1-#10

Every film I have seen from the age of 15
1. The Doors: C
Shoulda been called 'The Lizard King'

2. The Hunt for Red October: B
The third film in John McTiernan's Good Film Trilogy

3. Groundhog Day: B+
The third best Bill Murray film of the Nineties

4. The Lion King: B-
The point where me and Disney parted ways.

5. The Assassin: D
Nikita without the style

6. Rocky III: C-
We're gonna have a montage!

7. Passenger 57: D
Die Hard on a plane, for a bit.

8. Army of Darkness: A-
AKA Evil Dead 3 AKA The Medieval Dead AKA The one with the Harryhausen homage

9. The Nightmare Before Christmas: A
The film that launched a thousand goth accessories.

10. Robin Hood: Men in Tights: C
Not as funny as the film it spoofs.


Back Issue #1



Magazine: Empire
Issue: No 73 July 1995

Initial Observations
This issue of Empire came out in June and features their ultimate summer preview. Back then day and date releases were uncommon and, barring a few exceptions, the summer season followed the school holidays in the UK. Hence the summer preview appears in what today would be the half-way point of the summer season. Empire was also less about previewing forthcoming movies back in the nineties. The cover would normally feature a movie that was actually released in the month covered by that issue. The feature pages would discuss movies released that month, and the movies covered were generally reviewed in that issue. How times have changed.

What's Inside?
Apart from the usual bits and bobs we have features on: The Brady Bunch Movie; Quentin Tarantino acting in Destiny Turns On The Radio; cricket in Hollywood; Jaws 20th anniversary retrospective, Greta Scacchi profile; Bill Forsyth's Being Human and DTV releases; Tank Girl; and the ultimate summer preview.

Old News
The big news story concerns the rising budgets of Hollywood tent-pole pictures. This is the summer of Waterworld which was at the time the most expensive movie ever (unadjusted for inflation). The article mentions that the average cost of a flagship movie had risen to $50.4m the previous year. The budgets of Hollywood movies don't seem to get the same sort of press anymore, except in the case of films like John Carter that fail spectacularly. 
Also in the news, the launch of The  National Lottery is partly blamed for poor cinema attendance due to people being 'glued to their tellies on a Saturday night'. The novelty of that rubbed off pretty quickly didn't it?

Re-reviews
Tank Girl gets a three star review and shares the main review page with the Brady Bunch which gets four stars, both fair in my eyes. Elsewhere its Nicholas Cage month with Kiss of Death and Guarding Tess both released (plus he is the star How Much Is A Pint of Milk?), Michael Bay makes his debut with Bad Boys and Will Smith also features in Six Degrees of Separation. A rather fallow month for good movies with only the superb Crumb standing out.

Commercial Break
The biggest difference between then and now is the appearance of adverts for cigarettes. It comes as a shock to come across these things. 
An advert for Cinemania 95 promises an interactive movie guide with over 20,000 film reviews, 900 movie stills and theme songs from 100 movies. This is what we had before IMDB. 
The Goldstar 3DO System promises that 'you can be sure that nothing will come out in a couple of years time to render your investment obsolete'. The PlayStation is only a couple of months away from release.

Ooh Spooky! 
A feature on possible contenders too sing the theme song to GoldenEye proposes Madonna and notes that she would probably want to be in it. Which is exactly what happens with Die Another Day.
Cindy Crawford speaking about her movie debut Fair Game: "But what's the worst thing that could happen to me? That the movie could be a big flop and I could be terrible?" 
Discussing the prospects for The Usual Suspects: "word-of-mouth should generate enough interest to land it in the file marked 'cult'..."
A feature on the future of home entertainment talks about high definition TVs, video on demand, recordable CDs, HDCDs (i.e DVDs) and on-screen video guides. The future is now.

Promoballs
Producer Beau Marks on Jusge Dredd: "Blade Runner took itself very very seriously and what we have is a film that is a whole of a lot neater and more fun and doesn't take itself so dead-on serious".
Joel Schumacher on Batman Forever: "As Batman, Val is heroic and sexy, he has a tremendous amount of depth, sensitivity and mystery...all qualities tailor-made for the role." He certainly changed his tune on the Val Kilmer front two years later.

Home Re-review
The home reviews are split between films to buy and rent and also include films on tv through the month. The big film to rent is Reservoir Dogs, finally given a home video release three years on from its cinema release. A favourite cult film of mine, Freaked, is also given a prominent review: "any film prepared to sink Brooke Shields in a vat of chemical waste is definitely worth an evening's attendance". 

Quote of the month
"Booga had a ten-inch prosthetic cock. A $5,000 cock. It looked brilliant and the whole scene was very romantic. But MGM took it out. Too bestial. We were going, 'It's innocent, like seeing your mum and dad in bed together...'" - Jamie Hewlett on Tank Girl






Tuesday 3 July 2012

The Yoshi Awards #1

So that is us half-way through 2012 and the past week has seen a number of half-year polls popping up in the press and online. We sure do love to categorise our culture/prove how clever we are/fill space with meaningless polls, don't we? So now it's my turn (maniacal laugh). Disclaimer: there will be a distinct lack of 2012 releases mentioned below, these are a selection of my own personal cultural highlights.

The Why Didn't I Watch This Before Award
Community
The best US sitcom since Arrested Development and similarly under-appreciated.

The Hoop Dreams Award for Best Documentary
We Were Here
An exceptionally tough category to choose from, honourable mentions have to go to The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975, Into the Abyss and Benda Bilili!, but the award has to go to We Were Here, a documentary that recounts the AIDS epidemic in San Francisco by those who were there. This was shown on BBC4 during January, so keep an eye out for a repeat.

The Pearl & Dean Award for best cinema visit
The Artist
I don't get to the cinema as often as I would like these days and it was a toss up between this and The Muppets. It's been a few years since I watched a silent film on the big screen and while The Artist may be a faux silent (and not as good as the OSS 117 films from the same team) it was still a joy to see something a bit different at a multiplex.

Best DVD release of 2012 (so far)
The Devils
While it is not the definitive release that we would want to see (the restored version, including the rape of Christ scene, is still sitting in a Warner Bros vault somewhere), the fact that the original X certificate release is now available is a cause for celebration. We miss you Ken.

The Deep Cult Award
Branded to Kill
Criterion recently released this and Tokyo Drifter as part of their collection series and I happened to come across a few of Seijun Suzuki's films in a second hand shop around the same time. I love synchronicity, and I love Branded to Kill even more than the delirious Tokyo Drifter which was my only exposure to his films before this. Highly recommended.

The Sarah Lund Award for best Scandinavian film
Haxan
I only included this award so I could rave about finally seeing Lukas Moodyson's Together but then I remembered that Haxan is a Swedish film, and therefore wins the award. A silent 'documentary' about witchcraft through the ages, Haxan is a film that defys easy categorisation.

Best Album of 2012 (so far)
Django Django - Django Django
Beta Band meets Battles in a superb debut album that will be soundtracking lifestyle programmes and sports highlights packages for the rest of the year.

The WTF? Award for craziest film
The Last Circus
The films of Alex de la Iglesia are normally pretty crazy but The Last Circus is batshit insane. The story of two clowns fighting for the affections of a trapeze artist, this film still hasn't been released in the UK continuing the under-appreciation of de la Iglesia in this country.

Best film of 2012 (so far)
Avengers Assemble
Not much to choose from for this category, so the award goes to Avengers Assemble by default. Far surpassing the quality of previous Marvel movies, this was the most purely enjoyable popcorn tent-pole since Inception.

The Prometheus Award for best sci-fi film about a scientific expedition gone wrong
Planet of the Vampires
See what I did there?

Best TV show of 2012 not called Community (so far)
Game of Thrones
Nuff said.








Sunday 24 June 2012

Retronomicon #1

Vintage British Argos 1986 Catalogue
I want them all!
Wandering around the internet, my mind sometimes gets stuck in a nostalgia groove. Old cartoons dug up on youtube, background information to things from my childhood on Wikipedia, you get the idea. A particular favourite I came across recently was a series of scans of old argos catalogues from the eighties and seventies that trippyglitters had posted on Flickr.
It's fun to spot the toys that I had and the ones that I wanted, while looking at the price of these things and bemoaning my lack of a time machine to go back and buy these things. Must. Resist. Urge to go on ebay.
Have a look for yourself here:
Argos 1976 catalogue
Argos 1985 catalogue
Argos 1986 catalogue




Saturday 23 June 2012

Deep Cult #1



Miracle Mile (1988) dir. Steve De Jarnatt

Why haven't more people heard of Miracle Mile? A clue may be that I first heard about it in a list of 10 recommended depressing movies. Yet while the film is certainly dark (nuclear apocalypse anybody?), I don't think that is necessarily the reason. It seems more likely that this is simply a case of limited distribution combined with a lack of critical exposure. Which sucks.
An indie Cloverfield minus the found footage conceit with giant monster substituted for impending nuclear destruction plus awesome Tangerine Dream score equals relatively unknown cult masterpiece. Check it out (if you can).

http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0097889/

Tuesday 12 June 2012

Listomania #1

5 Recommended Books on Film

1. The New Biographical Dictionary of Film by David Thomson
I would hesitate to call this a reference book as such, but it can certainly be read like one. Thomson is somebody you might not always agree with but you have to respect his reasoning. He can be gloriously bitchy, fascinatingly wayward and always immensely readable. This book topped a Sight & Sound poll to find the best book on film and a recent new edition means I need to buy the damn thing again.

2. How To Read A Film by James Monaco
This is the one essential book for anybody that wants to start developing a critical insight into film. A film course in book form.

3. Spike Mike Slackers and Dykes by John Pierson
After I left school, I received a fair few book tokens for some reason (surely I could have done with them while at school?) and I used them to buy a selection of film books that I had my eye on for some time. I still had some money left over and I bought this book partly because I liked the title and also because I had recently seen Clerks and it included contributions from Kevin Smith. A study of the American independent film movement from the early-eighties to the mid-nineties, the book covers the films that John Pierson was involved with such as She's Gotta Have It, Roger and Me and Clerks, while providing a fascinating insight into the realities of low budget film-making and the business of independent film during a very interesting time in its history.

4. Herzog on Herzog edited by Paul Cronin
The Faber 'on' series were just brilliant books and I lament the fact that they seemed to have stopped producing them. Limiting myself to choose just one of them I would have to go for the Werner Herzog book, largely because his career is, shall we say, more unconventional than the other directors and his stories are so entertaining and....fuck it - ITS WERNER HERZOG! In conversation. You can read the book and hear his voice in your head! Awesome.

Sidebar: If Faber were continuing to produce this series, and apart from a second edition of Herzog on Herzog obviously, which directors should be included?

5. Nightmare Movies by Kim Newman
This was re-released last year in an all new expanded edition and what I loved about this book is that I would stop reading every few minutes to check the availability of a film I hadn't heard of but had to see as soon as possible. Kim Newman is a legend and Nightmare Movies is an essential book for every horror fan.

Sunday 10 June 2012

Getting Started

A look at some of the television highlights of the next week.

Sunday
Nina Conti - A Ventriloquists Story: Her Masters Voice
9pm, BBC4
"A genuinely astonishing, moving and honest piece of film-making" - The Guardian
Louis Theroux: Twilight of the Porn Stars
10pm, BBC2
A follow up to his previous Weird Weekends episode concerning the US porn industry.
The Testament of Dr Mabuse
11pm, Sky Arts 1
The second of the three Mabuse films from Fritz Lang.

Monday
Mirrormask
7.05pm, Film4
From the minds of Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean. 

Tuesday
Passport to Pimlico
3.05pm, Film4
Absolutely sublime comedy about post-war austerity from Ealing
Community
10.30pm, SonyTV
What do you mean you've never heard of Community? It's only the best American sitcom being made right now.

Wednesday
Bigger Than Life
11.35am, More4
Nicholas Ray film from 1956 starring James Mason
No Country for Old Men
9pm, Film4
Best Picture winner from the Coens.

Thursday
Senna
9pm, Sky Atlantic
Brilliant documentary about the life of Ayrton Senna
Dead Boss
10.30pm, BBC3 
New comedy series set in a women's prison from writers Sharon Hogan and Holly Walsh

Friday
The Thief of Bagdad
11.20am, More4
Michael Powell was one of the directors on this amazing Korda-produced fantasy.
Punk Britannia
9pm, BBC4
The final episode in this excellent series covers the post-punk years 1978-1982